How Lucky I Am!

 How lucky I am indeed!

I've had my share of goodbye's lately ~ a lot of them happened last weekend. We traveled to Central Arkansas to be present for the marriage of our Godson F John Rickert to the beautiful Hannah Moore.  It was a beautiful wedding and a truly spectacular day on the top of Mt. Nebo in Northwest Arkansas.  Listening to Hannah & F John speak their vows to one another took me back to my own wedding day and to the day F John's parents wed.  I was so happy to see all these people who I haven't seen in way too many years ~ until we got there I didn't even realize I've been missing them like crazy!

Megan flew from North Carolina to be with all of us.  It was so good to see her (don't tell her but I've been missing her like crazy too!).

The goodbye's started Saturday night when we said good night to the happy couple.  Suddenly the baby I held in my arms, the toddler who crawled all over me, the little boy who taught my own children so many clever ways to get into trouble, was now a man with a wife of his own (but still teaching my children clever ways to get into trouble).  And now it was time to say goodbye and send them off.  "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." 

On Sunday we drove Megan to the airport to send her back to North Carolina.  Have I told her that I'm proud of her??  Somehow it wasn't so hard to send her away when she was 18 and heading off to college ~ maybe because I like her a lot more now!  "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." 

Sunday night we re-created a dinner party from when our children were small.  I looked around the table and realized how lucky I am.  I have wonderful friends with whom I share an amazing history.  We have awesome children who have become awesome adults and friends.  That night we said some more goodbye's.  "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." 

Monday, after a good country breakfast, we loaded up the car and got ready to head for home.  We said our final goodbye's on the doorstep and vowed not to wait so long to see one another again.  "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard." 

Today the community of St. Norbert remembers how lucky we are.  We truly had something that made saying goodbye very hard.  Today marks one year since Fr. Valker went home to be with God ~ the God who loves him so very much and who he loved and served in this life.  In last week's bulletin Fr. Bob wrote a wonderful "Heinz Site" about Fr. Valker (if you haven't read it, here's the link http://stnorbertparish.org/pages/documents/norb102112.pdf).  Fr. Bob had some pretty powerful things to say but two of those things stuck with me all week.   First was that he loved Fr. Valker but wished he would have told him.  Second he asked what Fr. Valker would say to us about being the kind of people we should be . . . the kind of people we want to be  . . . the kind of people God wants us to be.  This really got me thinking about conversations I've had with Fr. Valker over the years.  Whenever I would "confess" to Fr. Valker that I felt I lacked patience ~ patience with my family, with my co-workers or with the kids I taught in RE ~ he would tell me to "just love them".  Now I don't know about you, but that makes two guys that I have a lot of respect for talking about love.  Telling me that love is what's important and reminding me to tell the people I love just that ~ "I love you".  So maybe for this week I will make it my "Compassion It" act to tell those people that I love them ~ as a tribute to my friend Dick Valker.

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."

One year . . . 12 months . . . 52 weeks . . . 365 days

No matter how you count it a year has passed since we were sitting "vigil" with our dear Fr. Valker as he walked his path to heaven.  In two short weeks we will mark the first anniversary of his home going.  Much has changed in that year ~ in our parish and in my home.  Fr. Bill has moved on to pastor the people of St. Joan of Arc parish.  We've sent more good people home to God including three that I still argue went too soon.  Friends have lost friends.  People have come into my life and one can even understand my "rocky days".  My daughter left to pursue a Master's degree at the University of North Carolina and my son came home to find his path.  I'm back in school after a short medical break and working on a new direction.  But some things are still the same ~ I still have a wonderful friend and mentor who continues to guide & inspire me.  I'm still employed (and having a great time with my job!).  I'm surrounded by people who love me.


One year . . . 12 months . . . 52 weeks . . . 365 days


Here's what I wrote to Fr. Valker one year ago today.  Again the weather has changed, still the words ring true.

Good Morning Fr. Valker!
Even tho the weather has changed, I hope there is still sunshine in your room in the faces of your friends & family.  Please know that every thought of you brings a smile to my face ~ sometimes a little bit of a sad smile but a smile nonetheless.  You know, Mother Teresa had something to say about smiling:

"Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."

So today I send my smiles to you and your family and the people taking care of you and especially to Fr. Bob, Fr. Bill & Fr. Mueller because I know that as solid as they all seem, they could probably use a little "action of love" and a little "gift". 

If you are reading this, I send my smiles to you as an action of love and a gift to you.  If you are reading this always remember that you are important, that you count, that you are loved.

 
When I went back to writing this blog I intended to post something at least weekly ~ and then life happened.  So here's what's been making me think lately (a lot!) . . .

Sometimes one class is all I can handle
Sometimes people disappoint me
Sometimes life isn't fair
Sometimes people surprise me in a not so good way
Sometimes people surprise me in a really great way
Sometimes feelings sneak up on me
Sometimes I forget to pray
Sometimes it's just hard to pray
Sometimes I forget to say "I love you"
Sometimes it's just hard to say "I love you"
Sometimes I forget what's REALLY important
Sometimes I fall asleep when I meant to stay awake
Sometimes what really needs to be said is hard to say
Sometimes another person's needs have to come first
I can do something but I can't do everything

If any of you see something in there that has affected you in some way know that I'm working on it and I really don't mean to hurt.

And about the praying part . . . thank you to my Jesuits who don't give up on me and keep sending me reminders.  And Pedro Arrupe, I'm sorry I didn't find you until you were gone from this world.  Your words bring me much joy (although sometimes much confusion!)  If you don't know this good Jesuit, here's something to start with:

"More than ever I find myself in the hands of God.
This is what I have wanted all my life from my youth.
But now there is a difference;
the initiative is entirely with God.
It is an indeed profound spiritual experience
to know and feel myself so totally in God's hands."

School Daze

I have always admitted that what I write always finds its foundation in the writings of others ~ some contemporary and some more classic.  One would think that with 16 years of Catholic schooling I would have been introduced to ALL of the "great" Catholic writers and yet it has only been in the past 10 years that I have discovered the treasures to be found in the writing of people like Henri Nouwen, Brennan Manning & Francis Thompson ~ Dorothy Day, Richard Rohr & Jean Vanier.  But one of my favorites (although I totally discounted him in my 20s) is Thomas Merton.

Especially this year, as I get ready to go back to class, I find myself wandering through Merton's words

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I now that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

Three years ago God put me on a new path sending me back to school for the education I need for the next "right road" He has in store for me.  This year I'm changing programs.  Does that mean I was on the wrong path when I started?  I hardly think so.  Everything I learned those first 5 semesters stays with me as I move forward.  When I took my first steps on this road I felt very  much like Merton.  I had NO idea where I was going.  Now I think I have SOME idea.  Usually when I start to feel this way something changes and God puts me back on that unsure road.  I'm trying not to be anxious about what I cannot see ahead of me.  I'm trying to trust God "though I may seem to be lost".

Tuesday evening I put my foot back on that road . . .

Correspondence

SPOILER ALERT!

If you are one of the people who I recently gifted with the book Just Call Me Lopez be aware that I intend to share something from the story!

I've been reading a book by Margaret Silf ~ Just Call Me Lopez: Getting to the Heart of Ignatius Loyola.  Despite my years as a student at Loyola and my years working in the Health System I've only had a rudimentary knowledge of the life of the founder of the Jesuits.  Well this little book is not the definitive biography of Ignatius but it is a wonderful story and it gave me one little piece of insight into Ignatius that I had not previously considered.

Ignatius was a correspondent.  He was a letter writer ~ an art that I wish I had taken the time to perfect.  He wrote to his companions.  Letters of encouragement and love.

I am the kind of correspondent who is full of good intentions.  My daughter even pointed out the fact that I buy "Thinking of You" cards and then never send them!  Yup, full of good intentions.  Maybe it's because email & FaceBook are so much easier than sitting down with a pen and trying to put something legible on paper.  Maybe it's because I've always had more good intentions than good actions.

A couple of years ago I took action.  I followed a call and went back to school.  And as I finished Just Call Me Lopez I got my own letter from Ignatius.  It might have been left for Rachael but I know in my heart it was to me.

Dear friend and companion,

I have not gone far.  I have simply gone from Somewhere to Everywhere.

Thank you for sharing my story.  Trust your own story, for God is in every moment of it.  Trust your own experience, for it is the raw material from which God is shaping God's Dream in you.  Don't worry that you don't know who or what "God" is.  Let the mystery be a mystery, and don't try to grasp it with your own understanding, or pin it down into the limits of your own memory, or manipulate it to conform to your own narrow will.  Walk on now in courage, and in deep content.  You are God's pilgrim.  God's love and grace are all you need.

Thank you, and adieu, my friend.  A poor pilgrim, alongside you.

 Take the letter as your own message from God and from the pilgrim who travels alongside you.  Maybe that's me . . . maybe it's our friend Lopez.

Happiness

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.  If you want to be happy, practice compassion."

"If you want OTHERS to be happy, practice compassion.  If YOU want to be happy, practice compassion."

"If you want others to be happy, practice COMPASSION.  If you want to be happy, practice COMPASSION."

The words are not mine, they are those of the 14th Dali Lama.

There has been much cause for unhappiness this summer and yet happiness persists.  In honor of three young men in our community whose lives were lost this summer some of their friends started working with an organization called Compassion It.  From their website and Facebook page:
"Compassion It is a social movement that inspires compassionate action in the lives of every person we reach.  We believe that when you 'compassion it' in your daily life, you can positively impact the entire world."
Compassion It donated the proceeds of sales of their unique reversible bracelet to a scholarship fund started by one of the boys family.  All over Northbrook compassionate acts have been going on in honor of Billy, Ryan & Kyle.  Those who see me every day will tell you that I don't always wear my bracelet.  Vanity?  Maybe.  But it is always with me and it's message remains in my mind and in my heart.
Compassion has allowed happiness to flourish in a place where unhappiness could easily break the spirit of the community.  Have we forgotten our pain?  No.  Will we?  I don't know.  Maybe not.  But will we be happy?  As long as we practice compassion we can be.

To learn more about Compassion It, visit their Facebook page.

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.  If you want to be happy, practice compassion."

Be happy :o)

Giving

I looked back this morning to see what I had written to Fr. Valker on August 8th last year.  I was hoping I had written something really profound and insightful that I could reflect on a year later.  Here's what I wrote:

"Bone Marrow biopsies are still no fun but you're practically a pro now.  Pay attention when they make the slides and I can get you a part time job when you're ready for something new!
"Last week was my regular donation time, so maybe mine was in the blood bank at Northwestern today when they reached into the fridge for you!"

So, profound and insightful?  Not really, unless you or someone you know needs a blood transfusion today.  Funny, but I'm just back to regular donations since my surgery in January and last Thursday was my "regular donation time".

So, nothing profound today except maybe to think about your blood being in the fridge when someone you love needs it.  And if you're wearing a Compassion It bracelet you can turn it over after you donate!

Dancing

It has been a summer of sadness.  I have faced my children, my family, my friends and my self with eyes that have seen such pain and disappointment.  And yet I have been blessed to see a resiliency that can only come from God.  This is not to say that the sadness has been erased.  To the contrary, it returns in waves ~ sometimes overwhelming waves.  And yet at every turn I have seen those I love turn to God.  I am in awe of their deep faith and yet I am not surprised by it because for them God is real.  God is a member of their family.  God is someone you can be angry with, someone you can yell at and fight with but still love.  This relationship is only possible because these remarkable people were open to it.  Is it easy?  Is any real, loving relationship easy?  No!  it's hard, it takes work, it takes patience, it takes trust.  It takes the kind of trust that leads us to understand what Henri Nouwen meant when he talked about "the Dance"

"For in our suffering, not apart from it, Jesus enters our sadness, takes us by the hand, pulls us gently up to stand, and invites us to dance . . . because at the center of our grief we find the grace of God." (Turn My Mourning into Dancing by Henri Nouwen)

My children dance, my family dances, my friends dance and I dance and the dance leaves us forever changed. 

Join me in the mornings.

Renewed Efforts

One year ago I was writing every day.  Not here ~ on the CaringBridge site for Fr. Valker.  Maybe I shouldn't call it writing.  Mostly I quoted others ~ poets, philosophers even comedians ~ in an effort to make sure that Father always had something new to read if he looked at the site, and so that he would always know that those of us who were not able to visit never stopped thinking about him.  After he died, I set up this blog but truly never felt compelled to write ~ until now.  I don't understand why, but now is the time.

This has been a summer of great extremes ~ and I don't just mean the weather.  Births & deaths, weddings & funerals, homecomings and leave takings.  It has been a joy and a heart break to walk through the events of this summer with people that I love.  The world is a different place without Andrew, Billy, Ryan & Kyle but for the people who shared their journey you are who you are for having known them.

If we listen to Glinda (yes, the good witch) we can learn:
" . . . people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn.  And we are led to those who help us most to grow. . . Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  But because I knew you, I have been changed for good."  ("For Good" from the musical Wicked)

If you are reading this I can probably say "because I KNOW you I am being changed for good".  As the new semester starts and I really start a new journey (I know, we all thought I started 3 years ago but that was kind of a false start) I hope to share the road with you.  Thank you for coming into my life ~ whatever the reason.  Bring me what I need to learn, help me to grow.

Join me in the mornings.