I have always admitted that what I write always finds its foundation in the writings of others ~ some contemporary and some more classic. One would think that with 16 years of Catholic schooling I would have been introduced to ALL of the "great" Catholic writers and yet it has only been in the past 10 years that I have discovered the treasures to be found in the writing of people like Henri Nouwen, Brennan Manning & Francis Thompson ~ Dorothy Day, Richard Rohr & Jean Vanier. But one of my favorites (although I totally discounted him in my 20s) is Thomas Merton.
Especially this year, as I get ready to go back to class, I find myself wandering through Merton's words
“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I now that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.”
Three years ago God put me on a new path sending me back to school for the education I need for the next "right road" He has in store for me. This year I'm changing programs. Does that mean I was on the wrong path when I started? I hardly think so. Everything I learned those first 5 semesters stays with me as I move forward. When I took my first steps on this road I felt very much like Merton. I had NO idea where I was going. Now I think I have SOME idea. Usually when I start to feel this way something changes and God puts me back on that unsure road. I'm trying not to be anxious about what I cannot see ahead of me. I'm trying to trust God "though I may seem to be lost".
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