School Daze

I have always admitted that what I write always finds its foundation in the writings of others ~ some contemporary and some more classic.  One would think that with 16 years of Catholic schooling I would have been introduced to ALL of the "great" Catholic writers and yet it has only been in the past 10 years that I have discovered the treasures to be found in the writing of people like Henri Nouwen, Brennan Manning & Francis Thompson ~ Dorothy Day, Richard Rohr & Jean Vanier.  But one of my favorites (although I totally discounted him in my 20s) is Thomas Merton.

Especially this year, as I get ready to go back to class, I find myself wandering through Merton's words

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I now that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

Three years ago God put me on a new path sending me back to school for the education I need for the next "right road" He has in store for me.  This year I'm changing programs.  Does that mean I was on the wrong path when I started?  I hardly think so.  Everything I learned those first 5 semesters stays with me as I move forward.  When I took my first steps on this road I felt very  much like Merton.  I had NO idea where I was going.  Now I think I have SOME idea.  Usually when I start to feel this way something changes and God puts me back on that unsure road.  I'm trying not to be anxious about what I cannot see ahead of me.  I'm trying to trust God "though I may seem to be lost".

Tuesday evening I put my foot back on that road . . .

Correspondence

SPOILER ALERT!

If you are one of the people who I recently gifted with the book Just Call Me Lopez be aware that I intend to share something from the story!

I've been reading a book by Margaret Silf ~ Just Call Me Lopez: Getting to the Heart of Ignatius Loyola.  Despite my years as a student at Loyola and my years working in the Health System I've only had a rudimentary knowledge of the life of the founder of the Jesuits.  Well this little book is not the definitive biography of Ignatius but it is a wonderful story and it gave me one little piece of insight into Ignatius that I had not previously considered.

Ignatius was a correspondent.  He was a letter writer ~ an art that I wish I had taken the time to perfect.  He wrote to his companions.  Letters of encouragement and love.

I am the kind of correspondent who is full of good intentions.  My daughter even pointed out the fact that I buy "Thinking of You" cards and then never send them!  Yup, full of good intentions.  Maybe it's because email & FaceBook are so much easier than sitting down with a pen and trying to put something legible on paper.  Maybe it's because I've always had more good intentions than good actions.

A couple of years ago I took action.  I followed a call and went back to school.  And as I finished Just Call Me Lopez I got my own letter from Ignatius.  It might have been left for Rachael but I know in my heart it was to me.

Dear friend and companion,

I have not gone far.  I have simply gone from Somewhere to Everywhere.

Thank you for sharing my story.  Trust your own story, for God is in every moment of it.  Trust your own experience, for it is the raw material from which God is shaping God's Dream in you.  Don't worry that you don't know who or what "God" is.  Let the mystery be a mystery, and don't try to grasp it with your own understanding, or pin it down into the limits of your own memory, or manipulate it to conform to your own narrow will.  Walk on now in courage, and in deep content.  You are God's pilgrim.  God's love and grace are all you need.

Thank you, and adieu, my friend.  A poor pilgrim, alongside you.

 Take the letter as your own message from God and from the pilgrim who travels alongside you.  Maybe that's me . . . maybe it's our friend Lopez.

Happiness

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.  If you want to be happy, practice compassion."

"If you want OTHERS to be happy, practice compassion.  If YOU want to be happy, practice compassion."

"If you want others to be happy, practice COMPASSION.  If you want to be happy, practice COMPASSION."

The words are not mine, they are those of the 14th Dali Lama.

There has been much cause for unhappiness this summer and yet happiness persists.  In honor of three young men in our community whose lives were lost this summer some of their friends started working with an organization called Compassion It.  From their website and Facebook page:
"Compassion It is a social movement that inspires compassionate action in the lives of every person we reach.  We believe that when you 'compassion it' in your daily life, you can positively impact the entire world."
Compassion It donated the proceeds of sales of their unique reversible bracelet to a scholarship fund started by one of the boys family.  All over Northbrook compassionate acts have been going on in honor of Billy, Ryan & Kyle.  Those who see me every day will tell you that I don't always wear my bracelet.  Vanity?  Maybe.  But it is always with me and it's message remains in my mind and in my heart.
Compassion has allowed happiness to flourish in a place where unhappiness could easily break the spirit of the community.  Have we forgotten our pain?  No.  Will we?  I don't know.  Maybe not.  But will we be happy?  As long as we practice compassion we can be.

To learn more about Compassion It, visit their Facebook page.

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion.  If you want to be happy, practice compassion."

Be happy :o)

Giving

I looked back this morning to see what I had written to Fr. Valker on August 8th last year.  I was hoping I had written something really profound and insightful that I could reflect on a year later.  Here's what I wrote:

"Bone Marrow biopsies are still no fun but you're practically a pro now.  Pay attention when they make the slides and I can get you a part time job when you're ready for something new!
"Last week was my regular donation time, so maybe mine was in the blood bank at Northwestern today when they reached into the fridge for you!"

So, profound and insightful?  Not really, unless you or someone you know needs a blood transfusion today.  Funny, but I'm just back to regular donations since my surgery in January and last Thursday was my "regular donation time".

So, nothing profound today except maybe to think about your blood being in the fridge when someone you love needs it.  And if you're wearing a Compassion It bracelet you can turn it over after you donate!

Dancing

It has been a summer of sadness.  I have faced my children, my family, my friends and my self with eyes that have seen such pain and disappointment.  And yet I have been blessed to see a resiliency that can only come from God.  This is not to say that the sadness has been erased.  To the contrary, it returns in waves ~ sometimes overwhelming waves.  And yet at every turn I have seen those I love turn to God.  I am in awe of their deep faith and yet I am not surprised by it because for them God is real.  God is a member of their family.  God is someone you can be angry with, someone you can yell at and fight with but still love.  This relationship is only possible because these remarkable people were open to it.  Is it easy?  Is any real, loving relationship easy?  No!  it's hard, it takes work, it takes patience, it takes trust.  It takes the kind of trust that leads us to understand what Henri Nouwen meant when he talked about "the Dance"

"For in our suffering, not apart from it, Jesus enters our sadness, takes us by the hand, pulls us gently up to stand, and invites us to dance . . . because at the center of our grief we find the grace of God." (Turn My Mourning into Dancing by Henri Nouwen)

My children dance, my family dances, my friends dance and I dance and the dance leaves us forever changed. 

Join me in the mornings.

Renewed Efforts

One year ago I was writing every day.  Not here ~ on the CaringBridge site for Fr. Valker.  Maybe I shouldn't call it writing.  Mostly I quoted others ~ poets, philosophers even comedians ~ in an effort to make sure that Father always had something new to read if he looked at the site, and so that he would always know that those of us who were not able to visit never stopped thinking about him.  After he died, I set up this blog but truly never felt compelled to write ~ until now.  I don't understand why, but now is the time.

This has been a summer of great extremes ~ and I don't just mean the weather.  Births & deaths, weddings & funerals, homecomings and leave takings.  It has been a joy and a heart break to walk through the events of this summer with people that I love.  The world is a different place without Andrew, Billy, Ryan & Kyle but for the people who shared their journey you are who you are for having known them.

If we listen to Glinda (yes, the good witch) we can learn:
" . . . people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn.  And we are led to those who help us most to grow. . . Who can say if I've been changed for the better?  But because I knew you, I have been changed for good."  ("For Good" from the musical Wicked)

If you are reading this I can probably say "because I KNOW you I am being changed for good".  As the new semester starts and I really start a new journey (I know, we all thought I started 3 years ago but that was kind of a false start) I hope to share the road with you.  Thank you for coming into my life ~ whatever the reason.  Bring me what I need to learn, help me to grow.

Join me in the mornings.