34 years ago . . .
I was a bedside nurse with 3 years experience. I was chemo certified. I was a preceptor and team leader. At the time I couldn't imagine doing anything else. I thought I would be a bedside nurse until I retired. How things have changed and I would not trade any of it. I have had a most amazing career, worked with some of the most wonderful, caring, dedicated people and been part of the unique world of healthcare in both community hospitals and academic medical centers. I have been blessed with experiences of the divine at almost every turn - from co-workers to patients. I am grateful beyond words.
34 years ago . . .
4th of July was a Wednesday - just like this year. It was my holiday to work - not like this year! Like most holidays, all of the patients who could go home had. The patients we had left on Tuesday were too sick or in the middle of chemo. It was a different time - patients came into the hospital for most of their chemotherapy. And because they were admitted so frequently we got to know them well. We knew their story. We knew their families. We knew their hopes and dreams and fears. Those patients became part of my story. I am who I am because of them. I am grateful beyond words.
34 years ago . . .
I knew what I was walking into. My co-workers on the night shift had already called. I was sad and relieved at the same time. It would not be the day I had planned. It would be different. And after that day it would always be different. I was ready. I am grateful beyond words.
34 years ago . . .
You stopped being my patient. It was not to be. You died. Not for lack of a fight - you fought cancer, you fought your mom, you fought us, you fought your own demons. You won every fight in your own indomitable way. Your body could not sustain the fight against the cancer but your spirit never surrendered. When I arrived at the hospital your family was already gone home. I would see them later. I walked into the room where your body waited for me. I bathed you one last time. I fixed your hair one last time. I brushed some blush on your cheeks one last time. And then I wrapped you for delivery to the morgue and went to take care of the rest of my patients. I am grateful beyond words.
34 years later . . .
Once again change is upon me. I don't know what the future holds. I know that I have loved the work I've done and am not running away from anything but running toward something. I am confident that there are great things ahead. And I am grateful beyond words.
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